


In This Crazy Life and in These Crazy Times

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And now for the alphas, Aradia is 12, Aranea is 31, Aranea is Vriska's mom. She was 14 and it was a mistake. A big mistake., Congratulations it's a Gamzee, Cronus is 36, Cronus is Eridan's bro, Damara is 24, Dave is 16, Dirk is 26, Equius is 17, Eridan is 12, F/F, F/M, Feferi is 11, Gamzee is 7, Gamzee is Kurloz and Meulin's kid, Gamzee is their seven year-old kid, Horuss and Equius are bros. Best bros., Horuss is 32, How Do I Tag, Jade is 14, Jake is 24, Jane is 25, John is 15, KARKAT IS AN UNCLE, Kanaya is 18, Kankri is 38, Kankri is 38 whups, Kankri is Karkat's brother in this, Kankri was born 12:03 on New Years Day, Karkat is 15, Kurloz is 37, Latula is 21, Latula is Tz's older sister, M/M, Meenah is 29, Meenah is Fef's mom and her dad is unknown. Probably Rufio but nobody says anything, Meulin is 38, Meulin is also Karkat's sister, Meulin is his twin sister and she's older by three seconds and guess what, Mituna is 20, Multi, Nepeta is 14, OKAY HERE COME THE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU READY FOR CONFUSION, Okay so Meulin and Kurloz are married, Okay so in Hemospectrum order, Okay you know what Imma stop tagging about that shit, Porrim is 35, Porrim is Kanaya's older sister, Rose is 17, Roxy is 27, Rufio is 29, So for a day Meulin is older than Kankri, Sollux is 13, Tavros is 8, Tavros is Rufio's kid. Damara is the mommy oops, Terezi is 15, The relationships in this are so wonky just, There are so many age differences here, This AU Is All Over The Place, Vriska is 17, and Gamzee goes to a daycare with Sollux, and Kankri and Cronus are married, and Nepeta is Karkat's sister, she was born at 11:56 New Years Eve, the kids - Freeform, their ages are;
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:30:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically my AUs are confusing af and I don't think it'd be a good idea to actually read them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Next Door Neighbors and Not at All Soundproof Doors

**Author's Note:**

> I will work on my other fics later I had an idea

**> Be Karkat.**

You pull your pillow up around your ears. How can Nepeta sleep through this? Your brother, a.k.a. legal guardian, is in his room, loudly making out (or worse) with his husband.

Ew.  
You hate saying that word. Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, datemate. They all sound weird in your mouth. You'd had a boyfriend. Once. It always sounded weird when you said "babe" or "honey". Pet names hurt you physically. It left a funny taste in your mouth any time you said "my boyfriend" or "my girlfriend" or "my brother's husband". That last one always got weird looks from people.

You didn't say words like that often. You preferred to call Kankri's husband by his actual name, Cronus, and not think about the fact that marriage was actually a thing that happens usually and is in fact a regular occurence.

You were beginning to think the prospect of getting married grossed you out.

You try to ignore the sounds coming from the room next to yours and focus on sleeping. You can't. You cannot handle this anymore.

You climb out of bed and over to the open window. You're on the second floor, but there's a thick vine next to your window that you've climbed down before.

Your next door neighbor's son had a vine next to his window too. You'd climbed it before as well.

His window was shut, but you knew he'd be awake, he always was. You climb the vine next to his window and knock.

He opens the window five seconds later.

"Hey Dave." You say.

"Bro macking on the hubby again?"

You nod.

"Come on in."

\------------------------------------------

"So. Wanna watch a movie?"

You nod.

"Aight. By the way, my bro John is coming over tomorrow and staying the night, so you might not be able to come over if your bro gets his mack on with the bro in-law."

You groan. You still haven't met that guy. You don't really plan on meeting him, either. "All right. But if I knock on your window you better fucking open up."

"'Kay. If you can't come in I'll tie a tie around the vine." Dave says, poker face in place as usual. He looks really different without his ridiculous sunglasses on. It's a good different, though.

As far as you know, he never takes them off aside from when he's alone. You take great pride in being the only one who knows what his eyes look like, aside from his family.

He's told you that not even John has seen his eyes. John has been his best bro since kindergarten. You feel honored to have reached "best friend" level.

\---------------------------------  
 **> Be Dave.**

Your best friend, Karkat Vantas, doesn't get it. He doesn't get how much you actually love him. He doesn't think anybody likes him like that, he's said that to you on numerous occasions.

You know that's just not true. Because you do. You like him like that.


	2. The Only Difference Between Best Bro-ship and Best Friendship is Dave's Bed

**> Be John.**

You're excited, because today, you're going over to your best bro Dave's house.

It's a regular occurence, but today is special, because today, you're spending the night.

Which normally, wouldn't be a big deal, except you've been his best friend since kindergarten, and you've never spent the night at his house before. Never. Sucks to have an overprotective dad who kind of really hates your best bro's legal guardian. You would sigh, except you kind of hated the guy too. Dave's "bro"/adoptive father/uncle/???? was physically abusive. You could see the scars.

\----------------------------------  
**> Be Dave.**

You're excited that John is coming over, sure, but given that your best friend has never met him... you're not sure how they'll get along. Karkat tended to hate cheerful people, seeing as he'd really disliked that girl you'd dated a few months ago, Jade. Jade was John's cousin, and you'd only been together three weeks, (She'd broken up with you because of Karkat. She didn't like him at all.) which is why you were afraid John wouldn't like Karkat or vice versa.

Once, you'd entertained the thought that Karkat had hated Jade because he was jealous, but... you'd wiped that thought out of your head soon after.

\----------------------------  
**> Be Karkat.**

You were planning on leaving John and Dave alone. You really were.

But when Nepeta's best friend Equius came over after school got out, you had to get out of the house. That guy gave you a serious case of the heebie jeebies. He's like. Three times your size and has a weird obsession with horses and is scary.

You know John is probably in Dave's room, but you knock on the window anyway.

It's opened by the dorkiest kid with the bluest eyes you have ever seen and _oh no he's hot._

\----------------------------------------------  
**> Be John.**

Who the fuck is this guy outside your best bro's window? Why is he there. _How_ is he there? Is he spiderman or something? Why is he cute? Why has Dave been keeping cute people secret from you. Dave. Why.

"Uh." He says.

"Hi." You reply. Real smart John.

"You must be John." The guy says.

This confuses the shit out of you. How the fuck does this guy know your name what the fuck.

"Hey Karkat. Johnny boy, step aside and let the poor guy in." Dave says behind you.

"Oh- uh- yeah- sorry!" You stutter, stepping aside.

The other guy swings his entire body in through the window effortlessly, and you can't help but ask yourself if this guy is the real actual spiderman, because what the actual fuck, how is that possible.

He kind of stares at you for a few seconds, then walks over to Dave's bed, and flops down next to Dave.

You don't even do that. Who is this guy. Why is he so comfortable around Dave.

_Holy shit is he Dave's boyfriend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the title is a Panic! At The Disco ref  
> no  
> I do not give any fucks


	3. As You Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just. Try not to hate me. I can't write I'm sorry.

**> Be Dave.**

You see that look on John's face. You can practically hear the question behind that raised eyebrow and slightly mischevious look. You know what that dumbass is thinking.

"So Dave. Is this guy your boyfriend? Frankly, I am disappointed, Dave. You know you're supposed to tell me these things!"

Karkat practically chokes on air next to you. You're tempted to hug the poor guy. You settle on giving him a comforting pat on the back.

"What makes you think that?!" Karkat exclaims, batting your hand away from his shoulder.

"You're... oddly comfortable around him, 'sall." John says. 

You scoff-- like John wouldn't flop down on your bed like that at any given time.

"Well, yeah? I mean he is my best... well, only, friend, so of course I'm comfortable around him." Karkat replies, shrugging.

"Oh. So like... you don't have like, friends from school?"

"Homeschooled. I take afterschool art classes though."

"Oh. Nice."

You can feel the awkwardness filling the air. Fuck. Say something, anything. "So who wants to watch a movie?" You ask. Smooth. Real smooth.

John shrugs. Karkat nods enthusiastically. You have to find a movie that suits both of their interests... uh... "Have either of you seen The Princess Bride?" You inquire. John shakes his head. Karkat flails uncontrollably at this.  
"HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE PRINCESS BRIDE?! What. The. Actual. Fuck."

"I've just never watched it all the way through. It just seemed kind of... lame?"

"What the fuck. Dave. How are you friends with this pathetic excuse for a human being. The Princess Bride is only the most perfect fucking movie in existence and I am appalled that you would think it's lame. Who even thinks that? That movie is the best. It's the perfect combination of action and romance with just enough angst to make you cry. I love that movie and you sir, are an ignorant shitstain if I ever met one."

"I just didn't... like it, 'sall." John mumbles.

"How far did you watch. Did you even get to the fire swamp? What the fuck."

"Wait. There's a fire swamp?"

"Holy fuck?! WHAT. THE. FUCK. STRIDER IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT MOVIE IN THE DVD PLAYER RIGHT NOW I WILL STRANGLE YOU."

**\---------------------------  
>Be Karkat.**

Three hours later, you wake up to find John and Dave both staring at you.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Dave asks.

"What?" You say, yawning.

"You fell asleep halfway through the movie." John grumbles, crossing his arms.

"So? I've seen it more times than I can count. I can recite it word-for-word. But I'm not going to, because that would be pointless." You huff, rolling your eyes.

"Ugh. Whatever. I can say that it actually was really good."

"See! Told you."

"Whatever."

Dave kind of stares at you for a few seconds. Fuckass needs to not.

"What time is it?" You ask.

"Uhhhh..... eleven."

"Oh. Great. Can I stay?"

"As you wish."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay well this was probably terrible.

**Author's Note:**

> This sucks because I did literally no proofreading and I had an idea for an AU and I had to write it
> 
> there is literally no plot??? it's basically just because I wanted JohnDaveKat
> 
> I'll try to update some fics later I swear
> 
> I've had this idea in my mind for months and I had to write it out but since I have no way to save it onto my phone I just wrote it here
> 
> feel free to point out any spelling errors or grammatical errors and I'll try to fix them
> 
> shoot me this fic is going to be so terrible


End file.
